When I was about two and one half to three years of age, I use to love hanging around my grandmother. I latched on to her apron hem and off we went as she did her housework. She use to talk to me about things then, that I didn't know was the history of my family, remember, I was very young and did not actually know what much of the words she used meant. However, I was glad to be in her company, so I just listened. As I got older, I did understand, and remember some of the scenarios that she would constantly refer to (over and over) so that I would remember the family history.
I was told much later in years, that I would say or tell her things of people of long ago in our family and their friends; that I shouldn't have even known about. I asked; "were these people we talked about"? Nope mommy said! My mother told me that my grandmother's and her generation didn't speak of such things or let people know that they could see what was in another's thoughts or even in a person's heart. Mommy went on to say that; "people will think that you were crazy; or either be afraid of you and cause you to be the brunt of many jokes, and it would hurt badly, so don't ever tell anyone you could see things, people, or especially, don't say exactly what the person is thinking as they are thinking it". Well, I was still young, and a bit too emotional to remember such things. I kept forgetting that most folks are afraid of such things.
Learning Acceptance
Well, I made a few of those mistakes growing up, and the looks I got were disturbing to me, at best, and I wasn't ready for the outcome (the feelings I got inside). It actually made me feel as if I was crazy! I learned to dismiss this gift, never to acknowledge it again, for many years I told myself that it was all in my mind. I was in church one Sunday, and as I went to the altar where the minister was "laying-on-of-hands", I noticed that she was looking at me very strangely and said to me in my ear, just before she put her hand to my forehead; "you should be up here, doing this, why are you back there?" Again, I didn't put it together because at the time, I was going through so many emotional and financial trials and tribulations that I felt almost broken inside. It wasn't time for me to hear her.
All throughout my life people would tell me this same thing, as the minister said that day. I still felt that childhood fear inside of me, almost to point that I wanted to hang up, or tell them that they were crazy. I'm almost sixty years of again now, and now I know it's time for me to give back what was so freely given to me, from my ancestors, and to acknowledge that this actually is a gift and part of my legacy, and that it is handed down within families to whomever the Creator deems worthy or strong enough to see and or feel special things.
Now, I didn't know that my grandmother knew I was the one, but her children did. You see, my grandmother died at a very young age. My mother and her sisters and brothers were afraid of the gift, and it wasn't until mommy was very sick and much, much older, that I found out that she had the gift as well. All of my grandmother's children had it, but never spoke of it. I could see all but fear in their faces, as they listened to me speak. I didn't know what was wrong, only that; maybe I shouldn't speak so openly anymore. I learned to become somewhat of an introvert.
I remember that she and I had the same vision. I was starting Kindergarten that day, and I told her what I saw, and again, she told me; "don't tell anybody, they'll think your crazy". So, again, I didn't. But as I grew up, and remembered the fear and frozen stair on her face that morning as we were getting ready for school, I knew that she had seen what I saw. Why were they so afraid in those days?
It is said that the Creator will reveal; "What He will, When He will, To Whom He will". Let's stay focused and unafraid!!!.... NAMASTé
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